3.2.15. Expostulation with Oneself
1291 You see his heart is his alone O heart, why not be all my own? O my soul! Although you have seen how his soul stands by him, how is it you do not stand by me?
1292 O my soul! Although you have known him who does not love me, still do you go to him, saying “he will not be dis-pleased.”
1293 ‘The ruined have no friends, ‘they say; and so, my heart, to follow him, at thy desire, from me thou dost depart. O my soul! Do you follow him at pleasure under the belief that the ruined have no friends?
1294 ‘See, thou first show offended pride, and then submit,’ I bade; Henceforth such council who will share with thee my heart? O my soul! you would not first seem sulky and then enjoy (him); who then would in future consult you about such things?
1295 I fear I shall not gain, I fear to lose him when I gain; and thus my heart endures unceasing pain. My soul fears when it is without him; it also fears when it is with him; it is subject to incessant sorrow.
1296 My heart consumes me when I ponder lone, and all my lover’s cruelty bemoan. My mind has been (here) in order to eat me up (as it were) whenever I think of him in my solitude.
1297 I have forgotten shame. I have even forgotten my modesty, having been caught in my foolish mind which is not dignified enough to forget him.
1298 If I condemn him, then disgrace awaits me evermore; my soul that seeks to live his virtues numbers o’er. My soul which clings to life thinks only of his (own) gain in the belief that it would be disgraceful for it to despise him.
1299 And who will aid me in my hour of grief, If my own heart comes not to my relief? Who would help me out of one’s distress, when one’s own soul refuses help to one?
1300 A trifle is unfriendliness by aliens shown, When our own heart itself is not our own! It is hardly possible for strangers to behave like relations, when one’s own soul acts like a stranger.
3.2.16. Pouting
1301 Be still reserved to decline his love; A little while his sore distress will prove. Let us witness awhile his keen suffering; just feign dislike and embrace him not.
1302 A cool reserve is like the salt that seasons well the mess, Too long maintained, ’tis like the salt’s excess. A little dislike is like salt in proportion; to prolong it a little is like salt a little too much.
1303 For men not to embrace those who have feigned dislike is like torturing those already in agony.
1304 To use no kind conciliating art when lover grieves is cutting out the root of tender winding plant that droops. Not to reconcile those who have feigned dislike is like cutting a faded creeper at its root.
1305 Even to men of good and worthy mind, the petulance of wives with flowery eyes lacks not a lovely grace. An increased shyness in those whose eyes are like flowers is beautiful even to good and virtuous husbands.
1306 Love without hatred is ripened fruit; without some lesser strife, fruit immature. Sexual pleasure, without prolonged and short-lived dislike, is like too ripe and unripe fruit.
1307 A lovers’ quarrel brings its pain, when mind afraid asks doubtful, ‘Will reunion sweet be long delayed?’ The doubt as to whether intercourse would take place soon or not would create a sorrow (even) in feigned dislike.
1308 Life would become waste for those who are living without a wife who can understand the cause of their sorrows?
1309 Water is pleasant in the cooling shade; so coolness for a time with those we love. Like water in the shade, dislike is delicious only in those who love.
1310 Of her who leaves me thus in variance languishing, to think within my heart with love is fond desire. It is nothing but strong desire that makes her mind unite with me who can leave her to her own dislike.
3.2.17. Feigned Anger
1311 From thy regard all womankind Enjoys an equal grace. Since if at all, they are all the servants of the god.
1312 One day we silent sulked; he sneezed: The reason well I knew; He thought that I, to speak well pleased, would say, ‘Long life to you!’ When I continued to be sulky he sneezed and thought I would (then) wish him a long life.
1313 I wreathed with flowers one day my brow, the angry tempest lowers; She cries, ‘Pray, for what woman now Do you put on your flowers?’ Even if I were adorned with a garland of branch-flowers, she would say I did so to show it to another woman.
1314 ‘I love you more than all beside,’ ‘T was thus I gently spoke; ‘what all, what all?’ she instant cried; and all her anger woke. When I said I loved her more than any other woman, she said “more than others, yes, more than others,” and remained sulky.
1315 ‘While here I live, I leave you not,’ I said to calm her fears. She cried, ‘There, then, I read your thought’; and straight dissolved in tears. When I said I would never part from her in this life her eyes were filled with tears.
1316 ‘Each day I called to mind your charms,’ ‘O, then, you had forgot,’ She cried, and then her opened arms, Forthwith embraced me not. When I said I had remembered her, she said I had forgotten her and relaxing her embrace, began to feign dislike.
1317 She hailed me when I sneezed one day; but straight with anger seized, she cried; ‘Who was the woman, pray, thinking of whom you sneezed?’ When I sneezed she blessed me, but at once changed (her mind) and wept, asking, “At the thought of whom did you sneeze?”
1318 And so next time I checked my sneeze; she forthwith wept and cried, (That woman difficult to please), ‘Your thoughts from me you hide’. When I suppressed my sneezing, she wept saying, “I suppose you (did so) to hide from me your own people’s remembrance of you”.
1319 I then began to soothe and coax, To calm her jealous mind; Even when I try to remove her dislike, she is displeased and says, “This is the way you behave towards (other women).”
1320 I silent sat, but thought the more, and gazed on her. Then she cried out, ‘While thus you eye me o’er, tell me whose form you see’. Even when I look on her contemplating (her beauty), she is displeased and says, “With whose thought have you (thus) looked on my person?”